I got to Costain at quarter past 10 in the night. As soon as the driver took the bend that will lead us to under the bridge, we met a serious hold up. So everyone started alighting; more like jumping out of the bus. You needed to have seen us. It was like we had some international presentations that will save the world to make in the next hour. See us: with strong faces and very eager to show our jumping skeez, we dropped some punch lines and then made the leap.
I alighted and sharply crossed the road. I scanned the roadside for my aya customer, but he had closed. Now, I had to think of the next best thing for dinner. The quick walk to the other side of the roundabout helped decide – I was going to do fried yam and akara.
I reach there, yam don finish. God! “Abeg, make I tight belle for tonight”, my head said. But my body rebelled. So I stopped and started going back. As I was walking back, a bus going my way drove past. My head neatly burst. Which kain life?! And to see another one wey dey go Ojuelegba now go hard. I was mad. Na so I stand.
I stood there counting my losses when this nwoke isi conkri hurriedly walked past. He hit my shoulder as he did and I was tempted to follow him with a slap. No think am, I no say I no fit, but I was tempted. My shoulder hurt really bad so I turned to spit some rhymes. When I turned, I saw him scanning the ground near me. Then he hit me. Na thief. Na him I turn on my phone light make him see say di phone still dey my hand.
The guy double up o. Before I go say Jack, he had crossed the road. Mans did not look back for one second. Deep sigh. Wetin babe no go see for Lagos. Na one of those things ba? Na so I switch. With victory in my heart and a cheerful countenance in gratitude to a loving savior wey no gree make dem gbab my phone, I waka go meet di woman wey dey sell akara. She stood up just in time for the wahala that jammed us both.
One man came and started asking weird questions. You know all these egoistic men who always have a need to show themselves? Na dem! “Madam, na when you fry this akara? This thing go don dey here since 5pm. See as e strong! E hot at all? How person go take chop this one now?” He rapped, all in one breath. My ear full. I just tire.
I did one last scanning of the area for something else I might like. Nothing. And without thinking, I turned to the woman. “Will you give me these potatoes as jara if I buy akara?” I asked pointing at the crumbs remaining in the tray. She was soooo relieved to hear me talk. I have no doubts that my question saved her from saying something she might regret later. She wasn’t expecting me to actually be that cool but hey, this is life; we don’t always get what we expect!
The woman was relieved and the man was stunned. He most definitely didn’t get what he was expecting. Women are always the trouble makers, aren’t they? And we no dey ever support ourselves abi? So he must have thought he had a supporter in me; someone that would have gone, “yes madam, pack and go and sleep if you know say you no go keep this akara hot dey wait for me and this man”. While mans was stunned, a girl was happy. Me that was celebrating victory over a pickpocket. I let a smile spread across my face. If that woman was a babe, we would have high-fived.
So, she picked up a potato slice and was going to feed her most favorite person in the world. Yeah, that’s me, but I told her to put it in my akara nylon. See friendship, Bolanle pepper dem o. She did. N100, at first, then I told her to add N50, which she did. I told her to put stew – gbege. Small hesitation. E sure me say at a different time, she would have said no. Na yam dem dey use stew for na no be akara. But we were paddies now so her hesitation died as soon as it came up.
That’s how we started talking about what she eats with stew and what she does not. I paid, thanked her and made to leave. I sincerely don’t know what made me look at the man. In the semi-darkness, his eyes were shooting all the daggers in the world! Deep sigh. If I was a man, I would have patted his shoulder for encouragement, but na woman I be. So I gave him my sexiest smile and walked away. A girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do. Besides, a girl had something to be grateful for.
Image: Paradise Planet Earth
CHINA TORI 