CHINA TORI

Are you planning to japa and you are asking God for a “destiny helper”? Somehow, you dey reason say the helper go be your unku, an aunt, a friend or a family friend… E farabale. Ejo, e calm down.

“Ehn, make I just japa go anywhere – UK, Canada or even Gabon, just sha leave Naija. It is definitely better anywhere else. Na to just get somebody wey go sponsor me and then I go find way work and pay back”.

I say, please take it easy. I beg you, go back and pray that prayer well and more importantly, be specific. Word by word, ask God for helper wey no go use your eye see shege. Helper wey no go use anxiety and emotional blackmail drain blood wey dey your body. You know say the worst sickness for this life na the ones wey no dey show for face? Mental and emotional sicknesses are silent killers of the highest grade.

Make I tell you, your first two years will be your toughest as a debtor. And for some people, it sometimes extends into the third year. As you come, you no know anybody or anything and so you will largely be depending on your helpers for everything; for information, guidance and even small small change to get by with. No o, no reason say you no need anybody, say you know everything based on wetin you been don hear, read or study online. The truth be say the reality dey different from what you read online and the system in the UK, for example, is the exact opposite of what you are used to in Naija. So you will need help, physical help, and your ignorance is what they will feed fat on. They, as in, your so-called helpers or sponsors. If they are in their mid-fifties and they are Yoruba and they claim they’ve lived in the UK for thirty-five years and they are women, run!

See, I pray say make God no allow us welcome the death wey go kill us into our homes just because the death wear green. I say, make God no allow us jump from one kind of slavery to another all in the name of searching for greener pastures. Somehow if you think that slavery has ended because we have an annual holiday called Independence Day, think again. Slavery has taken different forms over the decades and it seems to be the only thing about Black history that we are incapable of evolving out of. It will keep repeating itself.

I’m doing for you now what I wish someone had done for me. I wish say person bin advice me to come this UK on my own terms and with my own money. Say somebody bin tell me say e get some people wey go give you 1k as “help” in cash and demand 1M as payback in the currencies of blood, sweat, time and money. Say because they did not have it easy when they were starting their own life, they have now made it their life mission to make it extremely difficult for others… all disguising as helpers.

Black man go tell you say because he had it rough before he could break through, everyone else coming through him must have it rough too. “As I no quick make am, na to make sure nobody else make am easily. And if I must help them, then they must suffer as I take suffer. Them go chop conkri just because say me sef bin chop san-san”. Tufiakwa!

The enemy of the Black man na Black man o! Na always his tribesman, country man or fellow black man. All these other white guys no get time to dey kill themselves over trivial things like that. When they invent, innovate or create, na for all and sundry. It may have started as a solution to a personal problem but if it becomes big and benefits others, na plus for them. Unlike us. Abi no be because they don selflessly build their nation naim make we see am now as place to run to?

Walahi, you see this our mentality of because-I-suffered-others-must-suffer-too is a disease! We progress slowly because we are not a forward thinking people. Our perception of life is so crooked that we take one step forward and then three steps backward. I mean, is this not what happens in our universities? Lecturers make the lives of students hell by degrading them and making them repeat classes and levels. And when you investigate, the underlying reason be say them too no make am. So because you no pass, nobody else suppose pass? If no be say we are a backward people, that kain thing supposed dey give joy? If you teach people and they fail, that means there is something you didn’t do right na.

My brother, my sister, if you fit work and gather your funds, gather am. If you know say you be person like me wey him word na him bond, stay away from agreements wey go bind you to some kain selfish people.

I’m in my mid-thirties and I have already been diagnosed of High Blood pressure. Just last week, I went into a hypertensive crisis. I was told that I collapsed on the 1st of October. I suffered some disorientation and numbness that almost led to paralysis. Why? Because of pressure from helper. Even bank for here no collect debt like this so-called helper is demanding.

Thinking back now, I recognize the signs but at the time, I didn’t even notice. My heart had been heavy for days as I was up and everywhere in my thoughts about how best to tackle the situation, like where person go fit get money pay so that dem no go trample on the last dignity wey person get. Then the migraines came and the bouts of dizziness… and I woke up in the hospital.

My guess is that someone is in Naija saying, “at least, you are complaining from over there. Make me sef cross border, then I go hear you well”. You know our typical you-no-suffer-reach-me mentality, yeah?

Well, I don’t know what the ratio is. Life is definitely better here; better for person wey no dey owe an egoistic, selfish, privileged, constantly nagging, blackmailing and forever demanding Yoruba woman in her mid-fifties.

Anyone who knows me know that I don’t take handouts and people will tell you that I do everything I can and sometimes go out of my way to keep an agreement. Whenever I work, I do so with my heart and the same goes for my husband. He’s got to be the kindest, most considerate and hardworking person I have ever met. But what do you do when the other party is a self-sabotaging, pessimistic and never-see-good-in-other-people person? What if all your efforts to “show appreciation” goes unnoticed and your acts of gratitude is not enough?

Anyways, I just say make I give una update. A young wise Naija musician once said and I quote, “we rise by lifting others”. Think well before you ask for help in your japa pursuit; make you no go jump from frying pan to fire.

By the way, una hear the tori of the Nigerian man wey die for UK recently? He collapsed, like me, but him no make am to the hospital. The prognosis, diagnosis abi na hypothesis was that his stress level and blood pressure was very high. Who knows? E fit be say him too dey payback japa costs. And no forget say family fit dey back home wey him dey cater for. Some family members are so inconsiderate that they start making demands one week after touchdown as if one money tree dey border.

My guy fit don allow pressure make am take up several jobs and when his body could no longer take the strain and stretch, it gave in.