CHINA TORI

Today, I cried. Twice. The first time, in the toilet and the second time, at the back of the restaurant. I was in pain and I have not felt that alone in a long time. And this was not physical in any way. They were people around and my husband even joined us in the evening but I felt cold and alone. Man, I even tried to summon my dad but he didn’t hear me. Or maybe he did. But he didn’t answer. And the dark hole in my heart got wider.

The thing is I feel like I am fighting all the toxicity and negativity in the restaurant alone. It is not like my husband and I have not had a talk about how we are going to manage or survive the family wahala. He just seems to often forget that we are in this together.

I get by by closing my ears to their condemnations and smile at the insults they throw around when they invite us to their house for talks. But my husband is taking them all in and letting them wear him out. He is wearing his anger, pain and disdain on his face. And you know what that does? It empowers the enemy. The enemy knows that their ploy to destroy you is working and that strengthens their resolve.

I can’t say that I don’t feel the heat; I just build a fortress around my heart and mind that keeps it out. I try so hard to be strong and I expect my husband to try too. For Christ’s sake, I’m the woman here. The woman! And I’m at the frontlines of this battle like I’m the man.

This enemy is coming on strong with their scheming and all. They are even trying to put a wedge in between us by comparing husband to wife and wife to husband. And they have made it a thing to call wife aside; that is me, to say bad things about husband.

Is that the kind of enemy you want to empower? The kind that will stop at nothing to keep you in servitude, even if it means destroying your young marriage? No nah. You don’t. You smile through the hardship and keep them guessing. You don’t give them ideas on how to hurt you more. And that’s why I cried. And because I know my father would know the right advice to give me to help me through my pain, I called out to him. But he didn’t hear me.